Stage 3: Vision & Direction | The Bucket List

It's time to turn outward. What do you actually want to do with all of that self-knowledge?

A bucket list sounds simple. Write down what you want before you die. But most people's lists are either too vague ("travel more") or borrowed from someone else's idea of a good life ("see the Northern Lights" because everyone says you should). The version you'll build here is different. It's grounded in the values, strengths, and patterns you've already mapped.

Think of this as a brainstorm with guard rails. The self-knowledge from Stages 1 and 2 acts as a filter. When you write down "learn to sail," you can check it against your values and energy patterns. Does it fit? Does it pull you toward the life you're designing, or is it something you think you should want?

There's good research behind why this works. Psychologist Laura King found that people who write about their "best possible future selves" in vivid, concrete detail show measurable gains in well-being and goal progress. The act of imagining a specific, desired future changes how your brain processes the present. You start noticing opportunities that match your written vision, and you filter out noise that doesn't.

So don't rush this. Write the obvious ones first, then keep going until you surprise yourself. The best items on your list will be the ones you didn't expect to write down.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver

-THE RESEARCH

Writing about your best possible self

Laura King's 2001 study asked participants to write about their "best possible selves" for 20 minutes a day over four consecutive days. Compared to control groups, the writers reported higher positive affect, fewer illness-related visits to health centres over the following months, and increased subjective well-being. The effect held up at a five-month follow-up.

The mechanism is straightforward: when you articulate a specific, desired future in writing, you create a cognitive reference point. Your brain begins to organise information around it, filtering for relevance, spotting connections you'd otherwise miss. King's work showed this isn't wishful thinking or positive affirmation. It's a structured act of imagination that shapes attention and behaviour.

Self-concordant goals

Kennon Sheldon and Andrew Elliot developed the self-concordance model. Their central finding was that goals aligning with your authentic interests and values produce more sustained effort, higher attainment rates, and greater well-being when achieved. Goals chosen out of guilt, obligation, or external pressure ("I should want this") produce less effort and, even when achieved, less satisfaction.

This matters for your bucket list because it explains why some completed goals feel flat. You checked the box, but the reward was thin. Sheldon's research suggests the fix is upstream: choose goals that deeply connect to who you are. The values work you did in Stage 1 gives you the filter you need to test each item on your list.

Intrinsic vs. extrinsic goals

Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan's research consistently shows that people who prioritise intrinsic goals (personal growth, relationships, community contribution) report higher well-being than those focused on extrinsic goals (wealth, fame, image). The latter correlated with higher anxiety, lower vitality, and more physical symptoms.

This doesn't mean money and recognition are bad. It means they work best as byproducts, not primary targets. When you're filling in your bucket list, notice where your items fall. If the list skews heavily toward status markers or external validation, then it might mean some items belong there and others were inherited from someone else's scoreboard.

Experiences over things

Leaf Van Boven and Thomas Gilovich published a series of studies comparing experiential and material purchases. People consistently reported greater happiness from experiences than from objects, even when the experiences cost less. Here's why: experiences become part of your identity more readily, they connect you to other people, and they resist unfavourable comparison.

So if you catch yourself listing things to acquire, ask whether there's an experience hiding underneath. "Buy a cabin" might really be "spend long weekends cooking and reading somewhere quiet." The experience version is often cheaper, more flexible, and more satisfying.

Anticipatory savouring

Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff's work on savouring found that anticipation is a distinct source of pleasure, separate from the experience itself. People who mentally savour upcoming positive events report higher overall happiness than those who don't. Planning and imagining a future experience generates real, measurable well-being in the present.

Your bucket list, then, isn't just a planning tool. The act of writing it, picturing each item, turning it over in your mind, is doing something meaningful, and you don't even have to complete every item to benefit from having written it down.

Before you begin

A few ground rules for this exercise:

• No censoring. If it comes to mind, write it down. You can edit later. The brainstorm phase rewards volume.

• No "should" items. If you're writing something because you feel obligated, leave it off. You can always add it later if it turns out to be genuinely yours.

• Be specific. "Travel" is a category. "Spend two weeks in Oaxaca learning to make mole from scratch" is a bucket list item. The more specific you are, the more real it becomes.

• Include the small and the big. Your list doesn't have to be full of grand adventures. "Learn to make really good sourdough" belongs right next to "hike the Camino de Santiago." A life well-lived is mostly small, good things.

• Select the importance: Some of the items on your list will be extremely important for you to do, whereas others will just be something you'd really like to do, but won't necessarily feel too bad if you don't. You'll prioritise the items that are most important, but will be able to grab the less important ones when opportunities arise, too.

• Use the "why" column honestly. This is where you test each item against your values. If you can't articulate why something matters to you, it might not be yours. That's fine - you can leave the why blank for now and come back to it later.

• The "when" column is a guess, not a deadline. Write "next year," "before 40," "someday," or "this month." The point is to separate the urgent from the aspirational so you can see what's ready to act on now.

Pull out your values and strengths from Stage 1 and keep them visible while you work. They'll act as your compass here.

-THE EXERCISES

Work through each category. Start with whatever pulls you, skip around if you want, and come back to fill gaps. The starter items in each table are prompts to get you thinking. Replace them, add to them, or ignore them entirely.

Experiences:

Think about moments you want to feel in your body, sensory experiences, things you'd tell stories about, and adventures that scare you a little (e.g., watch the sunrise from a mountain summit).

Skills and learning:

• Think about what you'd study if you had six free months, skills that make you more capable in daily life, things you admire in others and want for yourself (e.g., become conversational in a second language).

Creative projects:

Think about things you want to make that don't exist yet, projects with your fingerprints on them, work that has no client and no deadline (e.g., write and finish a novel).

Places:

Think about places that call to you for a specific reason. Where would you go if no one would see the pictures? (e.g., live abroad for at least 3 months)

Relationships and people:

Think about who you want in your life, what kinds of connections you're missing, people you want to learn from, spend time with, or simply thank (e.g., reconnect with a friend you've lost touch with).

Giving and contribution:

Think about what you want to leave behind, how you want to matter to others, the overlap between what you're good at and what someone else needs (e.g., mentor someone just starting out in your field).

Personal milestones:

Think about markers that would make you proud of who you've become, things that prove something to yourself, habits you want to build into your identity (e.g., run a marathon).

Wild cards:

Think about anything that doesn't fit the other categories, the weird ones, the ones that make you laugh when you write them down (e.g., learn to fly a plane).

After you complete your list, add when you'd like to do them, how important they are and why you want to do each of them.

Then ask yourself: "What's missing?"

Read the list again and identify what you might have left off because it felt too big, too silly, or too personal. Add them in now.

Reflection

Look at your full list. Read it and work through these prompts.

• Which 3 items on your list made you feel a physical pull when you wrote them? (Excitement, longing, nervousness.) Mark them - they are most likely to be the most authentic ones.

• Are there items you wrote because you feel you should want them? Mark them differently. You don't have to remove them, but notice them.

• Which items connect to the values you identified in Stage 1? Write the value next to the item.

• Which items could you start this month, even in a tiny way?

• Is there a pattern across your list? A theme that keeps showing up? If yes, name it.

• If you could only do 5 things from this entire list, which 5 would you choose? Why?

AI companion (optional)

How to use: After completing your bucket list and reflection, use this prompt to get a thinking partner's perspective. The AI can spot patterns you might miss and challenge items that don't fit your values. Paste your actual list and values for the best results.

Copy and paste the prompt below into Claude, ChatGPT, or any AI assistant alongside your bucket list and values:

I've been working through a life design exercise where I built a bucket list grounded in my personal values and strengths. I want you to help me pressure-test it.

Please do three things:
(1) Flag any items that seem disconnected from my stated values, and ask me whether they're genuinely mine or inherited from someone else's idea of a good life.
(2) Look for patterns or themes across the list and name them.
(3) Suggest 2-3 items I might be missing based on the values and patterns you see.

Don't be polite about it. I want honest feedback, not encouragement.

Here's my bucket list: [INSERT HERE].

And here are my core values from a previous exercise: [INSERT HERE].