The Invisible Skill Behind a Creative Life

Photo by Leonard (Unsplash)

Imagine spending hours doing work you enjoy. You put your whole soul into it, your client is happy, the project went well, and you're proud.

The client asks you: "How much do I owe you?"

And for some reason, your stomach drops. Your palms start sweating, and you're trying to force a smile, but it doesn't work.

You reply with something similar to: "Oh, you know... whatever you can give me, really."

Wait, what? You want to kick yourself. You worked so hard on this, but somehow, because you enjoyed the process, you don't feel comfortable taking money for it.

Your first assumption might be that I'm going to write about money and how to charge what you're worth. No, I won't.

I'll write about identity.

I listened to a talk presented by a Lithuanian writer, actress, TV host, psychology graduate, and business co-founder, Beata Tiškevič, reflecting on her early career. She said that she has always been trying to earn money by doing what she loved but struggling to make ends meet due to her lack of confidence, undervaluing her work, struggling to discuss money, and saying yes to projects she didn't actually want.

It wasn't really that her story was unique. What inspired me to write this was how familiar it sounded.

If you love your job, you shouldn't get paid for it

Beata always had a difficult relationship with money. As a student at the Lithuanian Academy of Music and Theatre, she noticed that all artists would feel that money was dirty - something that corrupts people and soils their soul. Beata and many other artists she knew would feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic after doing the work if it hadn't been discussed with a client upfront. In fact, she said the money talk was so intensely uncomfortable that she thought it was her personal failing. Only when she started bringing it up with others did she realise that this behaviour was actually prevalent within the artists' community.

Another problem was that because she enjoyed the work, she thought she didn't even deserve the money in the first place. Work is hard - we get paid for pain; therefore, if we love what we do, it's a hobby, and we should not get paid. Beata would feel thankful for the opportunity to do the things she liked, so how could she ask for payment?

The revelation came slowly, but it did come. She realised that due to her experience and skills, she was able to do things quicker. If someone else spent six hours to create something she could do in one, that didn't make her work less valuable. The opposite - it made her more efficient and thus more expensive.

She also accepted that enjoying the work didn't reduce its value either. It didn't matter that she smiled while doing it, never broke a sweat, or loved the process.

I know this feeling all too well, and I doubt I'm the only one.

People happily charge thousands of pounds for work that feels almost like play to me. Because I enjoy doing it, I sometimes still struggle to believe that it's something I should be paid for.

And yet, isn't this exactly what most of us are trying to build? Work we enjoy that pays well?

So if you ask me how that's supposed to work - I don't have the answer for you. But I know this: it's not really about the money at all. It's about giving yourself permission to become the person capable of building the life you want.

Saying "no" won't kill anyone

Another problem she remembered seeing amongst the artists was the inability to say "no" to projects. She said that saying "yes" to projects you don't feel excited about means you automatically say "no" to projects you'd have liked to be involved in instead. And yet, she found it very hard to refuse the work because she didn't feel comfortable confronting people.

She eventually figured that she needed to repeat the word "no" to herself until she felt comfortable saying it. And when she finally got used to it and started using it in real situations, something strange happened.

Nothing at all.

Nobody had a heart attack, got angry, or tried to pressure her into changing her mind.

But while this story will probably resonate with most people, there's something else that drew my attention.

Like many people, I don't enjoy confrontation, even if it involves protecting my identity. It's much easier to avoid conflict, or convince myself that speaking up is simply not worth my time and energy.

But an interesting discovery is that the same way nobody dies from hearing a quick "no", nobody dies being confronted about something they got wrong about you.

Sometimes protecting your time, your work, or your values means accepting a few moments of discomfort. And it has nothing to do with winning an argument - it has everything to do with choosing not to abandon yourself just to keep everyone else (including yourself) comfortable.

Waiting doesn't create readiness

Here's where Beata's story started to get a little weird. She called it "money magic", but it's really about action.

For years, she waited to have more money before moving out of her parents' house. To feel ready. Or for the "right moment." But this waiting game never worked for her.

Instead, doing something before she felt fully ready made all the difference.

For example, she moved out of her parents' place into an apartment with friends before she could afford the rent. A few days later - sitting on the sofa in a flat she rented, not knowing where the hell she'd get the money to pay for it - her phone rang.

"Would you like to host a TV show?" asked a person on the other end of the phone.

This is what happened, and this is how her life started to change. Whether you call it luck, timing, or coincidence, that opportunity arrived after she had already committed to changing her circumstances.

She later recalled how friends used to make fun of her for writing on Facebook. But she kept publishing because she wanted the freedom to travel, work remotely, and make a living through her writing. Today, she receives advertising offers from companies, and those collaborations have become an important part of her income.

That additional source of income gave her something more valuable than money. Do you know what?

Choice.

Instead of accepting every project just to pay the bills, she could be far more selective about the work she wanted to do. If that's not freedom, then I don't know what is.

I've actually lost count of how many stories I've heard that follow a similar pattern.

People being laughed at for posting videos online, writing on the internet, or building something that makes no sense to their peers or families. A few years later, those same projects become careers they never could have imagined.

The rules have changed. Thanks to the internet, it's now possible to build careers and lifestyles that were not realistic just a generation ago. And what looks unusual to the people around you may be completely normal inside a community of people trying to build something similar.

What I want to really say here is that action doesn't guarantee success.

But inaction almost always guarantees you'll stay exactly where you are.

So you do need to make a choice on which one you'd rather bet on.

Fear of judgement from your peers is simply not a good enough reason to not vouch for yourself and your future. Things rarely just happen if we don't take the first step.

If you want a different life, you'll probably have to become a slightly different version of yourself.

There is another life truth that Beata recognised throughout the years: „I understood that if you want to have a higher income – you'll need to change. If your previous or your current thinking hasn't allowed you to realise your ideas profitably, then it means that your thinking is flawed. It might be your thinking, your behaviour, or the habits that are the problem, not allowing you to achieve the success that you want."

So, if we're feeling stuck in life and just can't seem to get what we want, then the first thing to check and change might be ourselves.

Beata also suggested that our success and income proportionally coincide with our creativity, attitude, initiative, and determination. She explains: if you don't want to spend eight hours a day in the office every day and if you want to have a lifestyle different from the one your friends and acquaintances have, then you must think and behave differently than they do.

And yes, that will probably mean feeling lonely and misunderstood for a while, but the truth is that you'll eventually naturally gravitate towards people who are a little bit more like you. You'll recognise each other from a quick glance, a phrase, or an expression that just feels too similar to the one you make yourself when you hear or see something. Something a little strange happens when you start talking about what you want and where you're trying to go - strangers start responding because they're looking for you the same way you're looking for them. :)

What success looks like

Beata isn't rich. She doesn't wear designer clothes, doesn't have a car, and still lives in a rented flat (at least this is how it was when she delivered the talk). Being rich has never been her goal. What she truly wanted out of life was earning a living by doing work she actually enjoys.

She's no longer spreading herself thin to survive, but she is thriving and allowing herself to refuse more and more projects that she doesn't find purpose in.

Now she can even get involved in projects she finds exciting just because she likes the idea or the people behind it, without needing to get paid. These are still valuable because she can still learn something new, which she finds more valuable than money.

And this time it's not about being uncomfortable to charge for work - it's about choice. She decides which projects she wants to do for free before she starts them.

Most importantly, she can feel comfortable in her own identity, whichever one she chooses to focus on. She can show up how she wants to show up and not worry about whether she can make ends meet by being herself and doing what she likes, or not doing what she doesn't.

If this doesn't sound like success to you, then I don't know what will.

Principles worth remembering

According to Beata, she didn't achieve her dream life by being more talented. She achieved her dream life by changing five fundamental things, and here are her recommendations:

1. Don't use diminutive words. Especially when it comes to money and your work. If a potential client uses them with you, then it's a red flag, too. Be cautious, as they might not be taking your contribution and your time seriously.

2. Introduce yourself with confidence. You can be many things. You don't have to pick one identity and limit yourself.

3. Never burn bridges. Be nice when saying goodbye, even when you're hurt or angry. Chances are, you'll need to work with the same people again.

4. Don't rely on barter. What you get for free, you'll value less. Invest money in what matters to increase your commitment to using it.

5. Value time over money. Get to the point fast. Discuss what matters early. Don't waste anyone's time, especially your own.

And while I find her recommendations valuable, I think she achieved her dream life not because of them, but because she started giving herself more permission: to value her work, to disappoint people, to act before she felt ready, and to build a life that looked different from the one everyone expected.

And perhaps that's what consciously designing a life really means - not waiting for permission from someone else, but slowly learning to give it to yourself.

Thank you for reading,

Lina

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